Thank you to all the faithful readers of this sometimes mundane, always incessantly wordy blog (and for the flow of e-mails, urging me to update). Thus, here goes…
Quite frankly, I’ve needed adequate time to recuperate from the last two weeks. I was finally able to break through the snow fortress that was D.C. after their massive snowstorm, only to find that it had miraculously transitioned into a subtropical climate. On the second day of the conference I was even able to take a quick jog through the National Mall and gaze into the Capital Reflecting Pool and up at the Washington Monument. It was quite the early morning experience.
The conference itself was invigorating on both personal and professional levels. Notably, it was the first time in three months in which I felt capable of actually doing this job, and not feeling like I was just shy of the learning curve, struggling to learn terminology and logistics. It served as a forum where private industry leaders and members of government, including National Institutes of Health (NIH), FDA, Health and Human Services (HHS), and Congress members sought to legislate current practices and devices within orthopaedics. Not only was I asked my opinion, I was able to formulate several based on clinical data and literature, and state them semi-coherently! And, I got to meet some pretty interesting people; Congressman Jindal, former Senator Durenberger, and Senator Bill Frist were in attendance at some point during the meeting. I left feeling elated and ready to conquer any work issue at hand.
Except… the trip back was quite the ordeal, as I was delayed about 5 hours after already bumping up my flight time. The plane had to stop and refuel in Rockford, of all malodorous places possible (what is that smell, anyway?) I made it home just in time to get a few hours of sleep before a committee meeting in-house that I had been planning since day 1 of my job. Needless to say, there were a lot of stressful factors leading to this particular day. It went without a hitch, thankfully, and 3 hours after that meeting I was back on a plane headed southwest to St. Louis to see Aaron for the weekend. Emotionally it was exactly what I needed, as we celebrated a belated Valentine’s day and didn’t schedule much in terms of an agenda, as I’d been overloaded with many of those lately. The weekend was nice, romantic, sweet, endearing, and a string of other sentimental adjectives strewn together. By the time I made it home on Sunday night it was very apparent that I was very worn out physically. For the last 8 days or so I’ve been in a dazed, somewhat lackadaisical, sometimes cranky mood that can only be attributed to sheer tiredness.
I’m just starting to get back on solid ground again, a little more clearheaded, so hopefully I’ll be able to recount all these ever-so captivating tales of life. :)
The gods of good timing were certainly watching over me yesterday morning, as I was headed out to the Northeastern region of the country for a conference in Bethesda. I was already at O’Hare, past check-in and security (of which I was randomly selected for additional screening; pat-downs are not very much fun) when I learned that both the meeting and my flight were cancelled. Within 10 minutes I had scurried past the long, trailing lines of people staked out waiting for flights, and was in a taxi headed home.
I later learned how people who had left on flights just prior to mine were delayed almost a day at the airport, as although the plane could physically land, there was nowhere to go unless they had thought ahead to bring snowshoes. My inconvenience was miniscule and inconsequential compared to others’.
By the time I leave again for D.C. on Wednesday for my second scheduled conference this week, hopefully the snowplows and sun will have done their work.
So I found myself with a wealth of time this morning, and thus decided to fill out one of those circulating e-mail surveys....
Describe the last time you were injured: The last semi-serious injury I had I was running down a steep sidewalk and tripped, causing me to somersault about three times and scrape my knees and elbows down to almost bare bone. Are there any odd things that make you feel uncomfortable? Noticeably uneven eyebrows What type of shirt are you wearing? A pink blouse What are you listening to right now? Just the soundtrack that is playing in my head. What is a saying that you use a lot? “That study has a lot of intrinsic, attributable bias”. (I'm at work a lot). What's your favorite town? How do I pick? Villa Park will always be where I came from, but I’ve called St. Louis, Rock Island, and Des Plaines home as well. How did you end your last relationship? A detailed e-mail followed by a disgruntled visit from the said person. What's the first word that comes to mind right now? Wholly When was the last time you saw your mom in person? Sunday What makes you feel like puking? Christopher Walken (there will be at least one person who understands this) What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT? Nothing. I missed dinner because I worked late. How long have you been at your current job? 84 days What's the last thing you said out loud: “I’m so happy for you” What is the last thing/person you spent over $100 on? A suit at Ann Taylor Loft What’s the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone? A halter top from my sister What’s the last piece of clothing you bought? A blouse for work What phrase makes you laugh no matter where, when or how? Anything that involves the word “poop”. I’m juvenile, I know. What website do you visit the most during the day? FDA.gov Go into your text message log on your phone. who sent you the last text in your inbox? Erin Who was the last person who called? Aaron What's one piece of advice that you think should be passed on to every child? Difficult childhoods will make you a stronger, more determined, capable adult, so bear with what you can now. Weakness: Upper arm strength, puppies, babies, Fears: Losing sight of what is important, not meeting others’ expectations for me Thoughts first waking up: Trying to recall what day of the week it is Bedtime: As early as possible; usually before 10PM Most missed memory: Sitting on my grandfather’s lap, still young and impressionable, knowing that I was truly loved. McDonalds or Burger King: Neither.I don’t really believe in homogenized food. Do you smoke: No, but I did once out of curiosity over New Year’s, and there are pictures of prove it! Do you swear: Hell, no. Actually, very rarely and usually only for comical purposes. Do you sing: Unfortunately for others in my immediate vicinity, yes. Do you shower daily: Yes, always once, but sometimes two or three times. Have you been in love: Yes. Are you a health freak: “Freak” no, but health conscious, yes. Ever been called a tease: More than once. Ever been beaten up: No? But my little nephews can be rough enough to leave multiple bruises. Ever shoplifted: Once when I was about 4, and I still feel guilty about it to this day. What do you want to be when you grow up: Respectable Country you’d most like to visit: France One of your scars, how did you get it? I have one on my chest from when I had the chicken pox. I never scratched it, and even wore those cotton gloves to not unconsciously do so at night, but it still serves as a reminder that I once had it. What is on the walls in your room: A picture of a blossoming flower, Aislinn in a ladybug costume and me, a embroidered tapestry from Vietnam, another flower encased in glass, and a Renoir calendar Do you know what time you were born? 4:13PM on a Tuesday What is your most prized possessions? Well, the material possessions that I would try to salvage in case of fire would be my journals What is your favorite smell? The smell of hardware stores; that nutty scent of wood intermingled with varnish and chemicals. Do you get claustrophobic? Not space-wise, but crowds of people do cause anxiety Do you get scared in the dark? It’s not the “dark”, it’s what may be “in” the dark. The last person to make you cry? Elvis. I heard “I can’t Help Falling in Love” What is your favorite cologne/perfume? On a guy, Curve. But my favorite perfume is either Clinique Happy or Sunflowers What kind of hair do you like on the opposite sex? Short Do you speak a different language? Oui and Va (a smidgeon of French and a little more of Vietnamese) What was the first gift someone ever gave you (of the opposite sex)? In first grade, Tony Bruno came to my birthday party and gave me an African American Barbie doll because his mom thought that would be more culturally sensitive. Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving? I have in the past, whether it be physically or emotionally. Have you been out of the US? On a couple of occasions. First job?Pharmacy technician at Walgreens What were you doing before you filled out this survey? Eating breakfast and watching CNN What do you get complimented about most? My cooking, and my smile Do you wish on stars? Absolutely; I’ll even say that little childhood rhyme Any bad habits? Numerous What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? Kelly Clarkson, and I still have yet to figure out how it got there Do looks matter? No, not if you really know the person How do you release anger? I retreat to solitude and vent to myself for a bit, and since I have a short attention span, usually forget about it. Where is your second home? My parents’ How many numbers are in your cell phone? 75 What are your nickmanes? Chia, Guppy, Sheesh Favorite drink? Water. Or coffee Are you too shy to ask someone out? I don’t know, but I’ve never done it. What books are you reading? Just finished Prep, reading Self-Made Man, Letters from Reagan, Three Nights in August, and The Republican War on Science
The dead still of the middle of the night is a good a time as any for pondering perplexing issues such as mortality. I lay thinking last night, that at almost a quarter of a century old, it’s surprising that I can both feel so weathered but yet still so undeniably naïve.
I suppose what set these thoughts into swift motion was that I had heard about a friend from high school; his father had had a heart attack yesterday morning. The use of “friend” may be overcompensation, as our relationship then was probably on the threshold of acquaintance and camaraderie, but in passing years has since retreated to the border of passing strangers.
But of course it made me think of my own father and family, after the initial reactionary prayer for his. When I was a child I used to wish fervently that my parents had decided to have children at a younger age, selfishly hoping for more time with them. But, as it may be, my father is 38 years older than me, and will be reaching retirement age in a matter of months, whereas my mom has at least ten years. I can’t imagine their carefree lives before the existence of myself because this is all I’ve ever known. But in frank self-centeredness, I couldn’t envision it being better. While that may or may not be true I don’t claim to know, but I do know that I’d be at a loss without them.
Events occur in our lives in a whirlwind fashion, whisking by in naturally formed patterns; birth and existence, death and cease, over and over again through the span of time. But even with the ingrained sense of what is inevitably to come, it simply doesn’t’ relieve the angst or pain.
~~It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give. And the soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live. ~~
