The human condition
The dead still of the middle of the night is a good a time as any for pondering perplexing issues such as mortality. I lay thinking last night, that at almost a quarter of a century old, it’s surprising that I can both feel so weathered but yet still so undeniably naïve.I suppose what set these thoughts into swift motion was that I had heard about a friend from high school; his father had had a heart attack yesterday morning. The use of “friend” may be overcompensation, as our relationship then was probably on the threshold of acquaintance and camaraderie, but in passing years has since retreated to the border of passing strangers.
But of course it made me think of my own father and family, after the initial reactionary prayer for his. When I was a child I used to wish fervently that my parents had decided to have children at a younger age, selfishly hoping for more time with them. But, as it may be, my father is 38 years older than me, and will be reaching retirement age in a matter of months, whereas my mom has at least ten years. I can’t imagine their carefree lives before the existence of myself because this is all I’ve ever known. But in frank self-centeredness, I couldn’t envision it being better. While that may or may not be true I don’t claim to know, but I do know that I’d be at a loss without them.
Events occur in our lives in a whirlwind fashion, whisking by in naturally formed patterns; birth and existence, death and cease, over and over again through the span of time. But even with the ingrained sense of what is inevitably to come, it simply doesn’t’ relieve the angst or pain.
posted by Sheila @ 2/02/2006 01:34:00 PM
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