In the spirit of preserving childish purity, I will sometimes wish on the first star I see at night. As I was taking a rather reflective, somber walk last night, I was barely aware that the weather had gotten considerably chillier, and the sun had fallen far beneath the horizon. So I stopped for a moment to deeply breathe in the brisk night air and sought out a twinkling star in the sky. I came across one without much arduous effort, surprisingly, as the proximity to the city lights usually limit stargazing on even the clearest of nights. I deliberated for a bit, looked up, and made a wish quietly in tune with the appropriate rhyme for such occasion. Satisfied and hopeful, I started back along the path. That is, until I realized that the path of the “star” succinctly coincided with mine. Turns out, I had just made a wish on an aircraft of sorts. So much for the promise of a wish fulfilled.
My completely embarrassing, tawdry secret that I have qualms about sharing with others? In the semi-privacy of my car, I absolutely love singing along with the sappiest, and more often than not, trite, country songs. Throw in some “twang” and a sad story line, and I'm a complete sucker for it. There, I’ve gone and done it. The secret is officially out for all to know. Judge me if you will. :)
Upon initial assessment most people would probably not presume my transient nature. In fact, probably just the opposite; superficially I appear to be stable and steadfast. I can’t deny that in many facets I am those things, but I also can’t refute this deeply seeded, surmounting fervor for movement, bedlam, and change.
It’s completely contradictory, as I live most days with utmost order, every minute meticulously scheduled. But I obviously want more. I’ll have spent the last three weekends away from home (if you can call the abode in which I keep my material possessions that); I’ll be away again this weekend, and again the next two. If I had to estimate, I’d say I’ve already taken about 25 flights this year, and am probably only home about 60% of the time.
So is it innately in my temperment to thrive on these interchanges; this propensity for departures? Am I ultimately running away or running to something? It’s perplexing, to dissect and question your own lifestyle, wondering if it complements the “norm”, whatever that fleeting fad may be.
I schedule very dedicated “me” time during the hours of 4:45 and 6AM, when I get up leisurely, put on comfortable but breathable clothes, and go for a morning run. Most of the time I fall into a mental state of mind similar to meditation; I don’t particularly hear the music that is playing, the noise of the rare passing automobile, or even the subtleties of nature surrounding. It’s just me, steady breathing, and pavement.
On occasion though, it’s not astonishing to be preoccupied with an idea/person/event that also carries me through the minutes just as easily. Today I thought about the perplexing situation of knowing what is ultimately good, or beneficial for you, versus knowing what you “want” at this particular time. As much as I want long term goals to dictate how I will act on a daily basis in order to achieve them, I know for a fact that I’m not that dedicated; or more accurately, maybe in some aspects rather than others. Outwardly it’s easy to resist the sleek, come-hither appeal of a ride on a motorcycle, or the very last chocolate fudge brownie on a plate. The potential consequences of those actions are apparent. But what about acting on an emotional whim? Are these consequences always quite so evident? I could also be complicating a situation that could quite simply be construed as spontaneity; I guess only time will tell…
I was out running an errand yesterday, when I saw a family with two captivatingly adorable children; one boy, one girl. The little girl was literally prancing about in a periwinkle blue tutu, festooned with sequins and fashionably finished with matching tights. I couldn't help but smile to myself, wondering at what age (if any) does it become socially inappropriate to wear exactly what you want. I'm sure if there was sudden surge in footie pajamas movement, the world would be a much tolerable place. :)
Every once in awhile, it's nice to feel truly considered and loved. Today, I've been blessed to feel both. Thanks to everyone for making this a special and sentimental birthday.
~~It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give. And the soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live. ~~
