Emotional grazing
So in a very concerted personal effort to be honest yet still somewhat subtle, it seriously surprises me when a person is brutally and unabashedly upfront about what they want, and in a manner of very few words. Maybe I'm naive or ignorant of how the way things operate in this "adult" world, but quite frankly, it can sometimes scare the begeesus out of me. Just a random, sort of non-sensical thought for a Saturday evening.
On to more literal subjects like the details of the course of the weekend thus far, I went to a high school football game last night. Anyone could tell you that I'm to no great extent a football fan, but the group I went with was entertaining and fun, and that, combined with the fact that I was pretty hallucinogenic/lethargic/sleep-deprived at the time, deterred from the fact that I had no idea what was going on throughout the game. Last night was so reminiscent of so many things; it was like delving into a time warp of sorts, but with different people. It was high school again, but the "good" parts of high school that didn't remind me how much I hated being that age, trapped in a body, a mind, a life, and a social sphere that I couldn't control. But in other aspects, it was college again-- how many countless weekend nights did I spend hangin' out playing card games and watching a movie? All in all, it was a good mixture of both old and new, past and present, and it was infinitely more fun than what I should have been doing (which pervades my every thought and decision) which could have been more physiologically beneficial or productive.
Today was intially ho-hum in terms of events, but later turned out to emit some significance. I had a meeting scheduled this morning to go over our Ethics group presentation. I don't think I had or will ever, in any case, recover from general insanity, though it was strange for me to be so jittery and verbose. Not a good combination. I was flying off in tangents at random, but actually, it spurred some really great conversation. We talked until we were essentially blue in the face (I really really wanted to use the term cyanotic here, but suppressed it) about genetic implications of prenatal screening, abortion, and degenerative disease. Just the lively, upbeat topic we wanted for a Saturday morning. I walked out of that meeting feeling mentally exhausted, ready to crawl back into bed. However, it was off to meet Anne and play mentor for awhile. How is it that this is the third person I've talked to in the last month and had to tell them how it's "okay" to not know what your life's goals and destination are at this exact second? And I should really be the one to divulge this advice... right. But, we ended up having a lovely lunch, along with a pretty profound conversation, although I felt like I monopolized much of it. In the end, she expressed such sincere gratitude that it was hard not to believe that I might have helped in at least some way. It's funny how people pass through our lives so quickly that they sometimes hardly make an impression, but others we will always hold some thread of connection with. I only hope that she finds her way, and while I'm hoping for something, that I'll find mine.
posted by Sheila @ 9/25/2004 06:24:00 PM
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