Declarations and disapprovals
I've neglected you, my dear empathetic web log, in pursuit of higher education this weekend. It's been two exceedingly long days since I've scrolled out my fanatical incoherent thoughts. 13 1/2 hours of class over a 48 hour period normally bludgeons any creative inkling that might have hence existed. In surveying the actual productivity of having eight hour classes, I find very little. In fact, the only specific concept garnered from yesterday's health administration class was that Prof. O'neall used the term "data" in a singular form, and it annoyed me for at least the rest of the hour until our five minute break. It's the data "are", not "is". But, nitpicking grammer aside, this class was the epitome of my prevailing cause against soapboxes. I essentially learned that as people in this professional field, we have every right to tell people what they're doing is dirty and wrong, although in a snooty high-falutin way, disguised in public policy so they can't point fingers directly at us. I'm not sure if I'm dissecting this whole concept too microscopically, but isn't that the same thing as deceit? Granted, it follows the Machiavellan principle of "the end justifies the means" which has proven itself over time, and is based on the fact that the greater good of all trumps fraudulence and the method in which to convey the message. But then again, maybe I haven't experienced enough of the curriculum to squelch this morally bothersome feeling.Along the same lines of things that are mildly vexing, I'd think that in a city with a population of 2.5 million people, I wouldn't have so many chance encounters with the one person whom it is troublesome to see and who induces minor pangs of anxiety. But maybe, just maybe, one of these days I won't react in the skittish, extremely immature way that apparently I'm very capable of, even if I've been told otherwise.
Alright, so that last paragraph didn't technically have three sentences in it, but this is a completely new topic, so I'll break the rules of structure this time. As evident to me, not only is this web log my means of expression, it also is highly therapeutic. However, it appears that it may also be the causative agent and initiator of bad feelings towards me. Although I am extraordinarly slow at recognizing harbored anger towards myself, I do eventually notice when someone who used to make great efforts to call or spend time with me all of a sudden drops off the sphere of existence. The only logical explanation is that I've offended said person with my beliefs and denouncement of the Archbishop. And also, through the physicality of words read, maybe I've shattered this "illusion" that they've had about me. While I don't think in any consequence that I should apologize for my beliefs, and that if they were truly a friend, they would accept this and move on, I will express regret for letting them think I was something I'm not. I won't and can't be the person that accepts all concepts of faith, order and principle forcefully instilled in me. They're probably a better, more righteous person for it. I hold true to the belief in ethical relativism-- that through culture and experience, we all eventually find our own code of ethics. And possibly even more farfetched but not absolutely unfeasible, is the idea of moral nihilism, that there might indeed not be a truly correct way of being. Regardless, I think that friendship revolves around acceptance, and that there has to be some form of give and take. But for now, if the side that has to yield is me, I'll be happy to do that if it means one more good, truly inspirational conversation, or even a hearty laugh over something silly and menial.
posted by Sheila @ 9/20/2004 07:13:00 AM
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