I suppose one of the identifying attributes of a quasi-adult life in which I'm aspiring to lead is losing sleep over worrying. I worried about money of all things; how adult is that? :) Being a life long student thus far, besides giving me major self-esteem issues and various other complexes, has really only provided me with a huge sum of debt. Hmmm, carry the five, divide by six figures, and I owe 1/20th of a MILLION dollars to the government! Not to mention that I haven't paid off my computer, and still have to buy about eight books this term. All this, for what will be after this next year, three measely initials after my name. Oh how I wish I knew this was somehow all going to be worth it. What about the next five years? Do I really want to spend it toiling in front of an endless series of microscopes and working on a thesis? What ultimate satisfaction can be gained from that if I'm questioning my passion for this field now? Are we all really meant to fulfill our own phrophecies in a chosen profession? And what's with all these unanswerable questions? Maybe it's the combination of lack of sleep and sudden stressors, but I'm just shy of having to track down a brown paper bag and putting my head between my knees. I definitively order this rising panic attack to go away. If I were rational at the moment, I might be able to put all things in perspective, but as I'm not, I'll most likely stew in a pot of worry all day. Well, as this is putting even more emphasis on my current concerns, I must go find some form of distraction, in say, work (I figured since I'm here and all..) and maybe some sugar.
~~It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give. And the soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live. ~~
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